i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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