don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
