I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
