went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
