So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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