New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
