She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
And then my night got REAL pukey
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
