He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have already put on my inside pants.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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