I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this is an emotional support booty call
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize