i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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