life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
