What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
