my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
