So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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