I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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