i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
What a dumb baby whore.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
