We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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