she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
