Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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