Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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