i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
