Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
