i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
