Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
