the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
