The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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