We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
