covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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