best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You made out with two different species that night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
