another moral hangover. fuck.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
