Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
