Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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