Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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