my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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