Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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