It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
