Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize