his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
