I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
