I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Sorry about my life...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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