Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
soo... how was my night?
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