in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
zippers are such a cool invention
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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