dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
