I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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