3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
