How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize