and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
