and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
