Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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