Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
