Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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