Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
