Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
