If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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