My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
