I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
