I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
