hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
