she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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