the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
