I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
