Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
