Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
