a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
